listen

duhaoshu

have you ever had this experience?

when you talk to someone, you feel that they are in little interest and your attention is quickly diverted.

or while you are talking, you accidentally step on the other person's minefield, making other people's impression of you drop sharply.

or maybe you think you've made yourself clear, but people always misunderstand what you mean.

in life, in fact, everyone has more or less, because of poor communication, feel troubled moments.

A writer once said:

"Communication is not only an important means for modern people to survive, but also the most valuable soft power in modern society."

so, is there any way to make others sound comfortable without embarrassing yourself?

you might as well take a look at ~

about chat:

change "inquire" to "listen" and "question and answer" to "share"

when we integrate into the group, we often encounter such problems:

I don't know what to talk about, and I don't know how to control it. I'm always worried about finding the wrong topic and bringing the chat to an impasse.

how to solve these problems?

the book "speak well" suggests that you can change the way you express yourself and turn "inquiring" into "listening".

for example, if you want to ask your little cousin who has just graduated from the family, the usual way to ask is: "do you have a girlfriend?"

this "straightforward" question has a certain risk. If your cousin is willing to share it with you, everyone will be happy.

but if this topic arouses the aversion of my cousin, he will alienate you later.

? The answer is given in the book

"cousin, I haven't seen such a handsome man in a year!

Don't worry, I won't ask you if you have a girlfriend, unless you want to talk and show off. "

this question begins with "I won't ask you", creating a context in which both sides can advance and retreat.

if my cousin is willing to share, he will naturally follow your topic.

Wearing our superbly designed cute homecoming dresses you will make your figure stand out. Happy to help you to choose your dreaming garments.

but if your cousin doesn't want to share, he can bypass the topic without giving you a direct answer, and neither side will be embarrassed.

this question can be applied to many situations.

for example, if you see a friend who is depressed recently and are not sure if he is willing to share his thoughts with you, you can ask:

"you seem to be in a bad mood lately. I won't ask you what happened, but if you want to talk to someone, I'm always willing to be a listener."

people are very interesting, and the more you force them to ask, the less willing they are to talk; on the contrary, the more indifferent you are, the more willing they will be to open their hearts.

the reason is simple: everyone wants to be respected.

if what the other person feels from you is the desire to gossip and privacy, then ta will not let off guard against you.

but if the other person feels meticulous concern from you, ta will trust you and will be willing to continue talking to you.

in daily gatherings, if you don't know whether some topics should be asked or not, you can use this circuitous way of asking questions.

change the "inquiring" of gossip privacy into "listening" that respects each other's feelings;

turn the blunt "question and answer" into a "sharing" that allows the other party to take the initiative.

in this way, you will not be embarrassed, others will not be formal, and the atmosphere of communication will be more harmonious.

about improving relationships:

apply the Law of misery flexibly

psychologist Wells made an interesting discovery:

most people improve their happiness through "downward comparison".

that is to say, people tend to have kindness and sympathy for those who are inferior to them, but feel alienated and jealous of those who are better than themselves.

this is also the famous "law of misery" in psychology, which enlightens people:

if you want to be welcomed by everyone, you can properly expose your shortcomings.

some time ago, Professor Hu Jinniu of Nankai University rushed to the second most popular search.

Why?

because of his personal introduction, it can be called a clean stream in academic circles.

Professor Hu has participated in many academic studies after graduation, but he said sheepishly that he just "couldn't find a job at that time".

Professor Hu has published papers in many top journals, but he jokes that some of them are "water journals";

even Professor Hu "exposed" that he had a course and was often suspended because of a small number of electors.

the "contrast cute" and "self-blackening" of teachers in famous schools have caused netizens to leave messages one after another:

"want to take Professor Hu's class!"

you see, really smart people never care about "self-destructive image".

they know that frank communication can enhance the understanding between people, and moderate self-deprecation can bring them closer to each other.

as said in the Road that few people take:

"our failures and imperfections are one of the few things we human beings have in common.

only in obvious vulnerabilities and flaws can we realize the beauty of a sincere relationship. "

when dealing with people, you know how to keep your figure down, don't show it, and don't put on airs.In order to make themselves more pyrotechnic and a sense of landing, people feel more cordial.

about rejection:

attitude can be euphemistic, but the content must be direct

Yang Tianzhen, a famous agent, told such a story:

on one occasion, an artist in the company received an invitation to a party, but he had no choice but to refuse because of the schedule conflict.

so the colleague in charge of communication said to the person in charge of the party:

"Thank you for the invitation, but we may not have a good time at the moment."

unexpectedly, the person in charge of the party understood her colleague's refusal as there was room for manoeuvre, so she reported the artist's name as soon as possible.

because the level of the party is very high and cannot be declined, the team can only arrange for someone to go, and it takes a lot of time and energy to do so.

in hindsight, Yang Tianzhen said:

"the same sentence, different people will from their own point of view, derived from the meaning of completely opposite interpretation, and misunderstanding also occurred.

this own dragon accurately illustrates a principle in communication:

the attitude can be euphemistic, but the content must be direct.

the correct way to open a decline should be:

I'm very sorry, but we can't take part in the recording of the party because of the schedule. Thank you very much for your invitation and look forward to more cooperation opportunities in the future.'

in this way, it not only expresses the possibility of future cooperation and the flexibility of extending communication, but also in terms of content, does not leave room for misunderstanding. "

I think so.

in life, we often encounter similar situations: obviously we have expressed our wishes with each other, but the other person's reaction is quite different from what we expected.

maybe it's not that the other party is trying to make things difficult, but that we are vague and give each other room for misunderstanding.

if you want to avoid this situation, you should pay attention to the way you express it.

Don't be vague about things that can be clearly defined, lest the other person interpret them from another perspective.

Don't generalize what can be done to the details, so as to avoid misunderstanding.

in this way, we can not waste the time and energy of both sides and achieve efficient communication.

about cooperation:

talk about value first, then ask for it

I believe you and I have all had this experience:

if someone you don't know well asks for your help, and this favor requires a certain amount of time and effort, there is a good chance that we will not help.

even if the other party promises that there will be thanks for help, we will refuse politely for fear of being tricked.

unless, when the other person asks for your help, he or she explicitly tells you that he or she will thank you in some specific form afterwards, and we will lend a helping hand after weighing it.

this is not selfishness, but the clarity and sobriety of adults:

everyone's time is precious, and if someone sacrifices time that could have created more value to help you, you should also give equal sincerity in exchange.

think of a story told by the writer Zhang Meng:

A girl keeps a dog. One day, she accidentally lost her dog.

the girl looked for a dog for a long time but couldn't find the dog. when she saw a group of people chatting nearby, she ran over and asked everyone if she could help herself find a dog. If she found it, she would be grateful.

but after listening to the girl's words, everyone did not mean to help her, but urged her to find it quickly, but could not find it for a long time.

the girl thought this would not work. She thought about it and said to everyone:

"if anyone can get the dog back, I would like to give him 1000 yuan to thank him. Would you please help me?" Thank you. "

hearing this, everyone acted one after another, and soon the girl found the lost dog.

obviously, in this story, a clear reward is an essential condition for cooperation.

as Zhang Meng said:

"if you want to make things more decent, you have to use value thinking to turn one-way demands into two-way benefits."

if you want to cooperate, you must first show sincerity; if you want to get help, you must first talk about remuneration.

to make clear the bargaining chips you use in exchange is respect for each other's work and a person's best EQ.

and when there is a certain reward, others can be more motivated to do what you tell them to do.

good communication can quickly lead to a win-win situation for both parties.

Bad communication will make people misinterpret your original intention and even hurt each other's feelings.

being good at communicating, improving relations and reaching consensus is not only a comprehensive embodiment of human intelligence and thinking, but also a great wisdom of life.

for the rest of our lives, may we all master the above four communication skills, communicate efficiently and harmoniously with others, and open the door to our own luck.