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psychologist Adler once said:

"all human troubles come from interpersonal relationships."

when we are alive, we are always inevitably shuttling back and forth between sophisticated human feelings and interpersonal communication.

sometimes we are troubled by a bad relationship; sometimes we gain joy in a comfortable relationship.

slowly, we will find:

it turns out that every comfortable relationship conforms to the Law of 28.

eight points of respect, two points of advice

Irish writer Robert Lind once said:

Friendship will never put up with long and frequent advice. "

but in reality, we often encounter friends who are "good teachers" who like to use their own life experience to guide other people's lives.

ignores the fact that there is no relationship in the world, which is made more intimate by advice.

imposing your will on others will only cool the relationship gradually.

there is a plot in the TV series "female psychologist":

Lily is going on a date with her new boyfriend. When her best friend Horton was surprised to know, she said painstakingly:

"it's a good thing you fall in love, but I'm afraid you'll act impulsively."

"I hope you can think about it clearly. Do you know who the other person is?"

"material conditions are very important, but does he really like you and will he be responsible for you? You need to think about it. "

Horton was unaware of Lily's displeasure.

she didn't know that Lily kept it from her because she didn't want to hear her "messianic" advice.

although Horton was well-intentioned, it sounded like a criticism to Lily.

in fact, life is like drinking water, cold or warm depends on self-knowledge.

We can give advice to our friends, but we can't impose it on others.

because every adult has his own ruler in his heart, which is used to measure everything in the world.

as the saying goes, close but sometimes, ripe is not out of line.

No matter how close a friend is, he needs to have room for respect.

forcing your own thoughts into other people's lives is like an invisible dilemma.

A good relationship is not suggested, but even if there are thousands of different opinions, they only go so far, leaving each other room for self-consideration.

the friendship of mutual respect can last for a long time under the precipitation of the years.

pay eight points, leave two points blank

writer Su Qin once said:

"really good love is that it takes no effort, no need to please, and two people are comfortable to let nature take its course.

if a relationship, a person, requires you to spend a lot of energy to please, you are doomed to miss. "

this reminds me of a short film I have seen.

in the morning, the wife is preparing breakfast in the kitchen, and the husband blames his wife while changing clothes:

"Why didn't you wake me up? Do you want me to have my salary deducted for being late? "

he didn't know that his wife was actually afraid that he was tired and wanted him to sleep more.

the husband who picked up the meal, without even saying thank you, went straight back to the office.

in the evening, the husband crouched on the sofa after work, eating fruit while playing games, and issued "remote instructions" from time to time:

"wife, help me with the charger."

it seems that in his eyes, he is always the most tired, and his wife is an iron man who will never fall down.

the wife always tries her best to cater to her husband, eager to use her own pay in exchange for a little bit of sincerity and concern.

do not know that excessive pay will only encourage greed, properly lay down part of the responsibility, in exchange for each other's thoughtfulness.

in Dear self, the marriage between Liu Yang and Zhang Zhizhi is equally touching.

both of them had their own careers, but Zhi Zhi took the initiative to transfer to a leisurely and low-paid position in order to take care of her family.

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after work, Chi Chi devotes more time and energy to her family: her husband's diet and daily life, her children's education and study, she all does it herself.

I thought I was willing to give in exchange for her husband's love and love, but what was actually waiting for her was her husband's indifference and infidelity.

this blow makes Zhi Zhi fall to the bottom of her life.

after learning from the bitter experience, Zhi Zhi pulled out of her family and returned to her sales job. relying on her perseverance and good ability to work, she quickly made achievements.

soon after, Zhi Zhi was hired as sales director by another company.

at this time, Liu Yang finally realized his mistake and made a compound request to Zhi Zhi.

there is a saying:

"in marriage, everyone has to give and take back something. This is the law of supply and demand."

if you only rely on selfless giving to satisfy each other, the relationship will often go downhill.

only by giving and reaping each other's thoughtfulness can marriage achieve dynamic balance and get better and better.

A really smart person will never try his best to please others, but can grasp the yardstick so that he can give eight points and leave two points blank.

because they know, immersed in the sense of giving, can not get each other's love;

only with enough white space can it cause each other's.Attach importance to it.

the half-blooming flower is the most beautiful, and the feeling is the thickest.

learn to cut back on giving, so that the relationship can be fulfilled.

eight points of understanding, two points of self

have you ever had the same experience:

Times have changed, and elderly parents will sheepishly ask you for advice on how to post on moments.

when the weather gets cold, parents thousands of miles away will call and tell you to put on more clothes.

when you go home for the Spring Festival, your parents, who have worked hard all their lives, never forget to stuff your bags with food.

and you, however, often reply impatiently:

"all right, I know." all these can be bought outside. "it's all right. Hang up."

parents are careful to please, but we turn a deaf ear and choose to avoid.

I have heard a famous saying about love: "if you like someone, it will be as low as the dust."

this sentence is also appropriate to describe family affection.

Douban netizens shared a story.

after graduating from university, Xiao Li has a high-paying job in a big city.

Xiao Li disagreed with his mother so much that he ended his journey home with resistance and quarrels every time.

until one time she came home for the Spring Festival, her mother asked her happily:

"Girl, I bought a bottle of 'white to black' shampoo in moments the other day. Can you help me to see if my hair is much darker?"

she was about to expose the fact that her mother had been cheated, but suddenly her throat choked when she saw her mother's white hair.

the iron rice bowl theory in the mouth of my parents is anachronistic, but the love behind it is never out of date.

when we work hard outside, we always hide our edge, but when we go back to our parents, we are incomparable with ourselves.

We lost our temper and won the truth, but also broke the hearts of our parents.

they have experienced the ups and downs of the times, so they hope that we can be stable all our lives;

they have been stolen by the years, but they still want to stand side by side with us.

but no matter how things change, the affection between parents and children will never fade.

and comfortable affection, often can not escape the "28 law":

reveal yourself, respond to your parents' affection, and express your true self to them;

pay eight points to understand, to understand the fragility of parents, to fulfill their boxing love heart.

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likes a sentence very much:

"there is a degree in life, the mistake lies in the degree, the bad lies in the excessive, the good in moderation."

whether it is friendship or love, or family affection, we should keep a good balance when getting along with each other.

maybe everyone wants to have a "high mountain and flowing water" bosom friend, a perfect lover, and a parent who keeps pace with the times.

however, there are thousands of things in the world, and not all of them will be what people want.

people with true wisdom and harmony never expect everything to go well, but know how to use the "28 laws" to manage a comfortable relationship.

only with eight points of respect and two points of advice can we seek common ground while reserving differences, and friendship will last forever.

eight points to pay, two points to leave blank, can help each other to the old, full of joy.

eight points of understanding, two points of self, can be warm and harmonious, family happiness.

, for the rest of my life, may you and I all have a comfortable relationship, a quiet life and a warm and beautiful life.

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