writer Li Xiaoyi once shared a story.

one of her friends' relatives was sick. When she heard that she knew a good doctor, she asked her to introduce her to her relatives.

as a matter of fact, she is quite embarrassed.

because the doctor is her acquaintance, it is out of kindness to help herself, but the relationship of "relatives of friends" turns two corners in between, so it is not appropriate to ask for help.

as a result, relatives of friends dislike the doctor's lack of enthusiasm and keep complaining.

my friends feel that Li Xiaoyi's help is not in place, and they resent it.

after this incident, Li Xiaoyi reflected: people should always raise their hands, but they don't have to stand on tiptoe to help others.

always do everything about other people's affairs, and in the end, if you overdraw yourself, you may get apathy and resentment.

it is kind to give me a hand in what I can. Learn to refuse calmly where you can't reach it.

this is not indifference, but the necessary maturity of adults.

once read a question on the Internet: "what losses have you suffered because you helped others?"

below the post, netizens are full of grievances:

lend money to others to help him tide over the difficulties. As a result, he ate steamed buns and pickles for a month. After that, others not only failed to repay the money, but also were blocked by the other party.

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help relatives and children introduce jobs, busy outside, in the end, relatives not only do not have a thank you, but also dislike that the introduced work is not good enough;

I helped my colleagues do some things that should not be taken care of by themselves, but later, all the work that my colleagues did not want to do was put on me....

I used to think that you should be kind and warm-hearted.

after experiencing the world, I realized that too much enthusiasm will be given the cold shoulder, and too much kindness will be despised.

netizens

@ like the wind

, he joined a new company last year and is always open to the requests of his colleagues because he wants to integrate into the group quickly.

he brazenly agreed to everything from helping to get a courier and ordering a lunch, to helping to revise the report forms and working overtime to make plans.

but gradually, like the wind, something is wrong.

because he has done too many extraordinary things, his performance is at the bottom of the department. On weekends, he has to contact the property company and pick up the child for that person, so he simply can't find time to learn new knowledge.

one day he misfilled in the data in an important report and was transferred to the marginal department by the leader, and the people he helped alienated him tacitly.

even, he heard his colleagues discuss him behind his back, saying that he was "not good at business, but good to use", and then bet, "if you stay in that hellhole, you will soon be kicked out of the company."... "

netizens were so desperate that they didn't expect to take whatever they wanted from others, but in the end it became a joke in the mouth of others.

Bai Yansong once said this:

"Why do people take you less and less seriously, because you are too talkative?" As soon as you ask for something, you will promise, and if you ask for something, you will give it to you. "

if you accept all other people's requests, in the end, others may not necessarily be grateful, but they don't take you seriously.

it is a kind of justice to give a moderate hand to others when you have spare power, and don't be reluctant to do so if you can't.

Learning to refuse is the first step towards maturity.

there is always no bottom line to help, over time, the relationship will be stereotyped as a tacit understanding or commitment.

once you start to refuse one day, the other person will be furious and think that you have broken your promise.

you are kind enough to help others, but in the end, you are more bitter than eating Coptis chinensis.

in the TV series "the World", Zhou Bingkun is a kind and honest man.

in those years, he made a success of himself by virtue of his own skills, and the people around him naturally turned to him.

Bingkun has soft ears and can't stand the soft and hard bubbles of his friends, so he has done a lot of things for his friends.

but his kindness has not been appreciated by his friends.

when his own house was repossessed because of contract problems, he wanted the National Day couple to vacate the old house, but his National Day wife was justified:

"you kick us out now, and we have no place to go. We can go if you want. You can arrange another job for the National Day."

later, Fa Xiao Qiao Chunyan also asked Zhou Bingkun for help about the house, which required the relationship of Bingkun's brother and secretary, which touched Bingkun's bottom line, and he refused.

Qiao Chunyan instantly became popular and moved out of Bingkun to help the National Day family. She angrily asked him, "are friends divided into three, six or nine grades?"

the two families who used to have a very good relationship turned into enemies.

in the eyes of his friends, Zhou Bingkun can help with anything, so when they encounter problems, everyone takes it for granted that they ask him for help.

Bi Shumin once said:

"you are so easy to talk, who can understand you?" Life is not easy. Many times, you give up your precious time and are squeezed by those who take advantage of your kindness. "

many times, you give a point is love, give ten becomes a debt.

Huang Zhizhong, a debater in the Theory of Strange works, asked Cai Kangyong for advice:

"A friend called him late at night, hoping to meet and chat with him.

at that time, he was already connectedI didn't sleep for another 24 hours. I felt very tired. I refused, and I was afraid that my friend would be sad. Huang Zhizhong asked Cai Kangyong how to deal with such a situation. "

Cai Kangyong replied: first of all, I will clearly tell my friends that I am very tired now, and we will talk about it another day.

secondly, I don't usually respond to every request from my friends, because no one has an obligation to be on call 24 hours a day.

when you know how to say no, personal boundaries can be built little by little, which can make a relationship last longer.

there is a line in the TV series Thirty: "A person who doesn't know how to refuse, all your acceptance is cheap."

only by learning to refuse, your goodness will not become cheap.

you know, friendliness and kindness are your self-cultivation, but they should not be the reason for others to take whatever they want.

in the face of other people's requests, doing your best is attitude, and acting according to your ability is wisdom.

, from now on, we will not spoil someone without a bottom line, please someone without principles, and live our own attitude.