youshucc

during John Calvin Coolidge's tenure, he was assisted by a female secretary.

although the secretary is good-looking, she is a little careless in her work, and her papers often make mistakes because of carelessness.

once, Coolidge saw the secretary enter the office and said to the secretary:

"your dress is very beautiful today, which is very suitable for a beautiful person like you."

the secretary was flattered and didn't expect to receive such praise.

Coolidge then added:

"of course, I'm sure you can handle the documents as beautifully as you do."

not only handle the documents well, but also strive to do a good job.

my friend was very surprised to hear this, so he asked Coolidge:

"this method is really wonderful!

how did you come up with this method? "

Coolidge replied:

he has to put some soapy water on people before shaving.

with soapy water, it doesn't hurt to shave. "

only by wrapping the criticism of others in the affirmative words can we reduce the negative effects of criticism and make the critics accept it happily.

cleverly replace criticism with praise and achieve your goal in a seemingly simple and quick way.

in life, in the face of other people's mistakes, we always accuse them.

do not realize that harsh words will only consume the favor of others and eventually hurt people's heart.

everyone yearns for words of praise. Sincere praise and gentle persuasion are the wisest rules in the world.

writer Li Shanglong once shared his story with a good friend.

when talking about this friend, Li Shanglong commented:

"he's fine anywhere, but he can't speak.

"

Li Shanglong admitted that he was usually dressed in untidy clothes, but his friends were bent on trying to persuade him to get rid of this bad habit.

can be exported, but say:

"look at your dress like a rag picker. It's so ugly that you haven't changed yet. People who don't know think you're a beggar."

as soon as Li Shanglong was about to get angry, his friend quickly apologized, admitting that he had spoken too bluntly, hoping not to take it to heart.

soon after, Li Shanglong finished the first draft of his new play, the Dreambreaker, and carefully polished it at home alone.

my friend called and asked him what he was doing.

Li Shanglong couldn't wait to share his achievements with his friends, saying that he had just finished a super script and asked his friends if they wanted to see it.

these words also aroused the interest of my friends and wanted to watch this masterpiece.

unexpectedly, my friend criticized as soon as he came up:

"I think it's still a far cry from my expectations. I'm not interested in watching the first episode after watching it.

Don't mind if I speak bluntly! "

this time, Li Shanglong couldn't hold back his anger and hung up the phone with a bang, and there was no more contact between the two.

Fu Lei wrote in Fu Lei's Letters to the Family:

"Don't be arrogant even if you are straight, but forgive others if you are reasonable."

the speaker is careless, the listener is intentional, and no matter how good a friend is, he can't stand your excessive bluntness.

between people, winding paths can also lead to seclusion.

praise depends on timing, while criticism takes skill.

other people are more willing to accept your advice than direct words, such as hard words, soft words and sarcasm.

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blogger

@ steady Dad

shared an experience:

once he and his wife went out to visit a friend. As a result, his wife misread the navigation and drove the car into a dead end.

when the car was backed out, the front of the car accidentally rubbed against the wall and a lot of paint was worn off.

he was very distressed when he looked at the car, but when he saw his wife's panic and chaos, he hastened to comfort him:

"Honey, it's nice for you to back up the car because the alley is so narrow;

the next time we go out, we plan our route in advance to prevent this from happening again.

as for this worn-out paint, just spray it later. "

after hearing this, the wife's nervous expression was relieved and her mood gradually stabilized.

when she got home, the wife was still bitter about what happened in the morning and couldn't help asking her husband if she really didn't blame herself.

the blogger was amused by his wife's words and said with relief:

"there are times when everyone is not careful. Let's be more careful next time."

"

hearing this answer, the wife finally put her mind at ease and happily cooked a favorite meal for the blogger.

bloggers generally say that the relationship will get better and better if there is less blame and more tolerance between husband and wife.

once read a question on the Internet: "when do you feel aggrieved?"

one answer is:

"I was not bullied by outsiders when I was young, nor reprimanded by my boss when I grew up.

but I made a mistake. I blamed myself for being sad. People who are close to me are not only not relieved, but they are quite unsentimental and keep blaming. "

there is no 100-point partner in the world.

in these trivial days, no one can be comprehensive and comprehensive.

endless condemnation and aggressive criticism will only further alienate each other.

in order to warm up each other's feelings, we can put ourselves in one's shoes and comfort with one's heart for another.

as the saying goes:

"praise makes people happy, while criticism is the beacon of progress.

"

where there is a mouth in life, there will be controversy.

but we can skillfully use the soapy water effect to make ourselves comfortable in intricate relationships.

what exactly should I do?

discover advantages and sincerely praise

praise is the lubricant of interpersonal communication.

in dealing with people, we will inevitably encounter conflicts and contradictions.

sometimes, a small mistake and a straightforward criticism can lead to the breakdown of a relationship.

in fact, at this time, we might as well calm down and think about each other's strengths.

everyone yearns for the appreciation and affirmation of others.

and when we praise each other's strengths, we will find that even if the other person has some defects, it is not a big deal.

between people, often because of excellence and companionship, because of appreciation and peer.

it's never each other's faults that keep a relationship fresh, but the shining spots that keep popping up in each other.

therefore, don't be stingy with our praise.

criticism and accusation can not bring each other closer, but praise and affirmation can.

as the saying goes, those who love to come back love to return, and those who are blessed are blessed.

when we give others enough appreciation, we can naturally get praise from others.

to suppress the first Yang, add some sugar to the criticism

I wonder if you have such an experience:

you just made a small mistake inadvertently, but there are always people who come up and criticize and blame you.

even if you are very close and you know that TA didn't mean to do it, you can't help but resent and resist it.

over time, I am no longer willing to associate with and be close to TA.

in fact, most of the time, we are used to using the tone of command and words of blame to make others aware of their mistakes.

but forget that the purpose of criticism is not to provoke the other party, but to change it.

No one in the world likes sharp and harsh accusations.

Direct criticism seems to be profound, but it will inevitably arouse the other party's disgust and discomfort.

praise before correction seems to be circuitous and troublesome, but it is easier for people to accept it.

therefore, before we want to criticize others, we might as well affirm it and reduce the negative effects of criticism in a mild way.

correct other people's mistakes in a timely manner, so that they will not hurt their relationship.

turn your mind around and speak politely

I quite agree with one sentence:

"most people who can talk will turn their minds."

Communication in life is mostly realized by words;

and improper language, it is easy to produce many contradictions and estrangement.

often at this time, we need to be able to turn and know how to solve problems with humorous and witty words.

the best way to get along with others is never to be straightforward, but to keep words within bounds.

people who speak bluntly tend to hit other people's psychological lines of defense, hurting their self-esteem as well as themselves.

but people who can turn their minds will make a detour and touch in the case of taking into account multiple feelings, which can not only achieve the goal, but also make people feel like a spring breeze.

in life, not everything can be done across the board, and direct is not the best way to express it.

can we wait and see and turn at the right time in order to avoid unnecessary conflicts.

if you know how to speak kindly and politely, it is easy to get the recognition and respect of others.

▽

English poet John Dorne said:

"No one is an island and can be self-reliant."

work contacts, personal contacts, and family relationships all need us to take care of and maintain.

most of the time, we think that what we say is sincere.

but in fact, it can make others happily accept our point of view, more can show a person's sincerity.

knowing how to wrap criticism in praise is not only self-cultivation, but also a kind of wisdom in dealing with the world.

for the rest of my life, may you and I both have eyes to find beauty, praise and encourage others, and keep the beauty of life at the same time.