someone once asked the writer Yu Guangzhong:

"how to deal with the people who pick on you every day and chase you and scold you?"

Yu Guangzhong replied:

"he scolds me every day, proving that he can't live without me, but I don't care, and that I can live without him."

when people reach middle age, they experience more worldly experiences and feel more and more:

to see a person clearly, there is no need to expose; to hate a person, there is no need to fall out.

on the way of life, the best way to deal with those who are difficult to walk with is to ignore it.

the more you listen, the more unscrupulous the other person will be; the more you care, the more energy will be consumed.

Mo Yan once said:

"We come to this world in a dusty way, not to live for people we don't like."

when you walk in the world, you will meet all kinds of people. Reading these three sentences is the highest way to live.

ignore, stop pestering

have seen such a meaningful story:

in a Zen courtyard, the young monk saw that a tree was about to wither and asked the Zen master, "how can I save it?"

the Zen master said, "Don't save it, just let it go free."

the young monk said sadly, "Master, I thought you were a kind person. I didn't expect you to be so ruthless."

from then on, the little monk kept watering every day, but a week later, the leaves on the tree still fell off and the trunk was broken.

he felt so lost that the Zen master told him, "pull up the dead trees and plant flowers."

then the little monk planted flowers and plants in the yard, and before long, the flowers sprouted, and he finally realized:

"struggling in the wrong thing, no matter how much you give, the loss will outweigh the gain in the end. You might as well stop pestering and get out."

think about it carefully, the bad people and things you encounter in life are like that withered tree, no matter what you do, you can't change each other's perception, let alone the end of things.

instead of entangling so hard that you waste your life, it is better to forget your grudges and let your heart return to peace.

Lu Mengzheng, prime minister of the Song Dynasty, was a person who did not like to be entangled.

when he first took office, an official pointed at him behind his back and commented: "this man is also worthy to be prime minister, ridiculous."... "

when Lu Meng heard this, he strode through the crowd without quarreling.

when my colleagues around me heard about this, they wanted to complain for him and find out who was speaking, but they were stopped by Lv Meng.

he smiled and explained, "if you know his name and you have to worry about it for the rest of your life, why bother?" Besides, what he said has nothing to lose to me. "

and this open-minded and indifferent, also let Lu Meng is promoted step by step in the official career, harvested the recognition of the public.

there are many misfortunes in life, often due to too much entanglement and too much entanglement.

A bad person is bad because you are always used to putting up with it, so he will be even worse.

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the reason why things are broken is that if you are not always clean, it will be even worse.

in the end, these bad people haunt you, hold you back, let you fall into the abyss, and there will never be peace in your life.

the fiercest revenge in the world is not caring.

people who are really smart never take part in unnecessary disputes.

when you meet someone who bothers you, remember to clean up the dust on your body, turn around and leave immediately is the wisest way to deal with the world.

ignore, silence is golden

there is a passage written in "murmur", which impressed me very much:

"if someone makes a sarcastic mockery of you, you immediately respond to him bitterly;

someone looks down on you for no reason, and you immediately despise him contemptuously;

someone shows off in front of you, and you immediately double to prove that you are better;

if someone is indifferent to you, you will be cold and distant to him at once.

look, the people you hate can easily turn you into the person you hate the most.

this is the greatest harm done to you by the enemy. "

it is true. Arguing with a person with different values and perceptions, the more you say, the more you seem to be wrong, the more you explain, the more you seem to be discrediting yourself.

after arguing for a long time, I get nothing but waste my breath and time, and even pull myself to the same level as the other person.

I can't help thinking of a case mentioned by Li Xiaolai, a famous teacher of New Oriental:

there is a group of people in this world who firmly believe that "the earth is flat" and have specially set up the "Horizon Association" for this purpose.

when you take a globe and say to him, "the earth is round," he will retort, "it's all fake, man-made."

when you show an astronaut a picture taken in space, he will continue to argue: "Yes, the picture is obviously flat."

he insists on turning black into white, and even if it is useless to put the facts in front of him, he will argue with you, waste your energy and deliberately add traffic to you.

to compete with such a person, you will always be a loser.

to be serious with such a person, you will never have an answer.

as Sima Yi said in the Alliance of military Advisers:

"wouldn't it be even stupider to go head-to-head with stupidity?"

A person's life will inevitably be accompanied by stupidity, so we should learn to bow to him. "

meet people with different aspirations, just pass by, don't waste your life on meaningless people and things.

in the face of people who don't understand themselves, there is no need to explain too much. Learn to shut up at the right time and pretend to be stupid.

No matter how much truth is spoken, there is no match for "whatever you want"; if you take the trouble to prepare for an explanation, you are no match for "let it go".

in the second half of life, keep the sobriety of "always competing with the same people, not discussing the short and long with fools", and always remember that silence is golden.

ignore and be kind to yourself

Maugham has a point that is right:

"if a person is angry at the stupidity of others, he will live in permanent anger all his life."

it is the least worthwhile behavior for a person to punish himself with other people's mistakes for the rest of his life.

if you are always thinking about others and don't know how to be kind to yourself, you will only give others more opportunities to hurt you.

the writer talked about a personal experience:

once, at the gate of their neighborhood, a young man parked his car on a narrow sidewalk, and passers-by had to make a detour.

when the smooth father saw it, he kindly persuaded the young man to move the car.

but the young man was unwilling to move the car, and had a quarrel with his father, and the young man shouted, "if you have nothing to do, get out of the way."

when his father heard this, his blood pressure rose instantly, and all his anger was blocked in his heart. Not long after he went back, he was hospitalized with a stroke.

referring to this matter, Ping Kaishun said with emotion, "the biggest mistake my father made was trying to influence a scoundrel with reason."

it's hard to influence a scoundrel, but it's easy to let yourself go.

Don't be angry with people and things that are not worth it. You seem to be letting go of each other, but you are actually letting go of yourself.

there are too many such moments in life:

deliberately please someone who doesn't like you, try to change yourself, to cater to each other's preferences, as a result, you can't avoid going your separate ways.

in order to "beat" the person you don't like, think hard to compete with each other, and try your best to fight to the death, only to lose both sides in the end.

because of a casual remark from others, I stayed up all night, stuck in my heart, forced myself into a corner and destroyed my originally peaceful life.

the root of it is that it cares too much about the opinions of others.

when you get along with others, only when you learn to cherish yourself, value your feelings, and cherish your sincerity, will you be respected by others and treated gently by the world.

▽

Lu Xiansheng said something very profound:

"to get angry is to punish yourself with the mistakes of others; to regret is to destroy yourself with a helpless past;

worry is to frighten yourself with virtual risks; inferiority is to denigrate yourself with the strengths of others. "

learn to be kind to yourself, forget what you should forget, put what you should put, and you will encounter a steady stream of surprises.

Zhou Guoping wrote in his book: "the cause of many pains in life lies in blind rivalry."

and the source of happiness in life is probably to let go of other people's mistakes and free your own heart.

when you stop fighting and stay away from the people and things that consume you, you will find that everything you encounter is good, and everywhere you go is a smooth road.

for the rest of your life, to those who like you, to love life, to those who don't like you, to see the world clearly.