what kind of person is a person with a good character?

I have heard the answer of many people: no temper.

I don't know since when, not being angry has become the criterion of modern people.

We are always accustomed to tolerance and compromise, fearing that if we are not careful, we will be labeled as "impolite" and "bad character".

is it really a good thing that a person is not angry all the time?

not necessarily.

some studies have shown that anger is a self-protection mechanism and a normal physiological response of human beings.

when our interests and expectations are undermined, we should be properly angry so that others can feel our strength and know our bottom line.

as said in the Road that few people take:

"to live a normal life, anger is an essential way to fight back.

people who never get angry are doomed to be bullied and suppressed all their lives until they are destroyed and destroyed. "

in dealing with the world, you first learn to lose your temper, and then learn not to be angry, so that you can live a happier and more comfortable life.

you can be grumpy, but you can't lose your temper

Yang Jiang once said in "going to the Edge of Life":

"sometimes, if you intend to be an honest man at peace with the rest of the world, people will take advantage of you and bully you; if you are magnanimous and patient, they will harm you."

this is the root of human nature. The more talkative you are, the less others will take you seriously.

only when you show your bad side at the right time can the world be kind to you.

in the recently popular "County Party Committee Courtyard," Lin Zhi suffered a lot of grievances because of his good temper.

his colleagues put his share of the work on him, and he would rather work overtime to help others finish it.

others took the information he had done all night to ask the leader for credit, but Lin Zhi did not dare to force it after he knew about it.

I thought that I could get everyone's respect and kind treatment in exchange for hard work, but my colleagues bullied him even more.

in a meeting, my colleagues reported the wrong time, but threw the pot at Lin Zhi and scolded him in public:

"if you make a mess, you don't care. I'm next to all the curses, and I can't even teach them!"

over and over again, Lin Zhi no longer wants to be pushed around.

the next time this colleague asked him to help with the report, Lin Zhiwei didn't lift his eyelids and rebuffed, "I don't have time."

colleagues thought Lin Zhiwei was just talking casually, but insisted on persuading him: "this is quite urgent. Why don't you ask the leader?"

as a result, Lin Zhi replied sternly for righteousness: "the director asked me to write a manuscript, which is also very urgent. Why don't you ask him?"

my colleagues saw that Lin Zhi had a sullen look on his face, so he had to leave angrily.

as the saying goes: "Tiger dew majestic snake must be good, crane if bright claw eagle also pussy."

when you get angry at the right time, you can make a clear bottom line and avoid becoming a soft persimmon.

in our lifetime, we will encounter all kinds of people and all kinds of things.

some people push their nose and face at us, while others are arrogant and cunning and don't take us seriously.

in the face of these people, anger is the most effective defense, and anger is the most powerful counterattack.

as the Internet says:

"Smart people know how to use their emotions reasonably and express their dissatisfaction so as to achieve their own goals."

they may not really lose their temper, but make themselves look as if they lose their temper. This is the real use of emotions, not being controlled by emotions.

people with high EQ will not hold all their grievances in their hearts and become slaves to their emotions.

they know that if they lose their temper occasionally, they will not be manipulated and wronged by others.

in interpersonal communication, being angry is not necessarily a bad thing, but not being angry is definitely not a good thing.

losing one's temper is instinct, but losing one's temper is a skill

many people have misunderstandings about losing their temper, feeling that losing their temper is bad-tempered and angry is unreasonable.

this is not the case.

if you go beyond the bounds and accuse others excessively, it will only get things out of control and cause harm that you didn't mean to do.

there is a problem with Zhihu:

"when you are angry, have you ever done anything that you regret?"

comments from netizens are varied.

Are you ready to look fabulous with our stunning pale blue bridesmaid dresses at the upcoming event? Our stunning options are light on your pocket.

some people said a lot of hurtful things because of their parents' inadvertent mistakes, which made their mother cry in the house with anger.

some people argue with their wives over trifles and threaten to divorce on impulse, making their wives so angry that they run away from home.

some people swore a lot of dirty words at their neighbors because of a misunderstanding, and the two families broke off from then on.

"the Road that few people take" says:

"quite a lot of people don't know how to be angry until they are young or even middle-aged, and some people don't learn how to be angry all their lives."

A quarrel without a bottom line will only hurt others and yourself.

effective anger is often based on mutual respect. So far, it will not spread too much.

when Shen Yifei, a professor from Fudan, first married her husband, there was a lot of friction because of differences in the concept of life.

when he is short of breath, Shen Yifei will accuse her husband of being a "countryman" and short-sighted.

when her husband is enraged, he will blame her. "No money, no right to speak.

the words of husband and wife both hit each other's sore spot, and the result is that the more noisy they are, the more fierce they are, and both of them are very hurt.

to prevent this from happening, Shen Yifei and her husband made a list of sensitive words.

the couple agreed that no matter how much they quarreled, they could not attack each other with the words on the list, otherwise they would lose the quarrel.

later, Shen Yifei and her husband still quarreled, but they both learned to talk about the facts and not to attack each other's weaknesses.

in the eyes of husband and wife, quarrelling is a collision between soul and soul, and in the process, you can see a lot of real thoughts of each other.

after the quarrel, the couple will draw up a memo on the problems exposed, clarify their respective rights and responsibilities, and prevent conflicts from happening again.

husband and wife continue to revise and improve, and the marriage relationship is more harmonious and better.

Psychological consultant Shi Xiuxiong said:

"A quarrel is also an opportunity for in-depth communication. After reconciliation, the two can make clear their respective boundaries and attitudes and deepen their ties through review."

I have seen a lot of people venting their anger, blaming and accusing each other when they quarrel.

the result is often that you don't get the desired response and make each other lose out.

so, how to quarrel is effective?

give you three suggestions:

put forward the claim intuitively

"non-violent Communication" says:

"behind every kind of anger, we hide our expectations and needs. To express our anger is to fully express these expectations and needs."

the root cause of many people's misbehavior is that they shift the focus of their anger to suppressing others rather than expressing their inner needs.

so that the other person does not know what they really think, but will be offended by their radical words.

Smart people know how to express ideas and expectations intuitively in quarrels.

in this way, it helps to understand each other and open the way to solve the problem.

accurately state the facts

there is a "XYZ" statement in "intimate relationships" that helps us clarify the specific behavior that annoys us.

its format is: "when you do X in Y situation, I feel Z."

for example: "when you first interrupted me, I felt very angry."

compared with similar situations, many people will use the expression: "you always interrupt me, do not let me finish!"

the former is a specific behavior, which is conducive to the other party to make targeted solutions, while the latter is too broad, not only not conducive to solving problems, but also easy to intensify contradictions.

learn to review

the ultimate goal of any quarrel is for better acceptance and running-in.

after the anger has subsided, the two sides should review and analyze the problems exposed, clarify their own bottom lines, and reach a consensus on getting along in harmony in the future.

learn to lose your temper first, and then learn not to be angry

speaking of which, some people may have such doubts:

since it is very important to lose one's temper, is it possible to solve problems by losing one's temper?

not exactly.

some things, no matter how angry they are, cannot be undone.

you might as well relax your heart, give up your obsession with changing others, and be yourself.

some time ago, Dong Yuhui was maliciously splashed with water by a woman during the live broadcast of "trip to Shandong".

but Dong Yuhui was not furious about it.

"Don't embarrass her too much, hoping to minimize the impact."

without too much criticism, Dong Yuhui's solution is gentle and quiet without losing strength, and it is moving.

think of a proposition put forward in the Secret of intimacy: "would you rather be 'right' or 'happy'?"

the answer of many people is the latter.

Yes, whether we lose our temper or not, our original intention is to make ourselves happier.

there is no need to haggle over everything.

in the adult world, we don't have to fight for victory or defeat. If we don't touch the bottom line, there's no need to be "really angry".

as psychologist Christopher Fumon said:

"as long as you are willing to put down your position, no matter what the result is, it will always do you good and no harm.

if you let go of your obsession, you will be free to grow in wisdom and maturity. "

when you get angry about some things, it is easy to hurt your vitality; for some people, if you care too much, it is easy to waste your energy.

walking in the world, bad things happen to everyone.

when you relax your mind, things will be small; if you enlarge the pattern, life will go smoothly.

Love and hate follow fate, love and anger follow your heart, let others go, and you let yourself go.

▽

like the poem written by Gu Cheng very much:

roses wear sharp thorns and do not turn into thorns.

it just protects its Chunhua from being ravaged by wild beasts.

A man should also be like a rose, with character under beauty and edges and corners in gentleness.

usually enjoy a corner and give fragrance to the worldWhen offended, fight back at the right time.

A person must have his own protective color in order to walk in the world better.

as psychologist Wu Zhihong said:

"when others perceive that you are a difficult person, you are more likely to be respected and have a good relationship."

, may we all have both the wisdom of being angry and the mind that is not angry.

live up to yourself, do not make do with life, be free and happy all your life, and be treated gently by the world.

do

A book is published under authorization.

Lin Jing is a radio host who graduated from the Chinese Department.

May after many years, the story no longer hurts, the sun is still warm, and you are so charming.

Let my voice and other people's stories accompany you every sleepless night.

listen to classics and Lin Jing in the evening.

Himalayan FM:

Sina Weibo @ DJ Lin Jing.